My Grown Up Christmas List
by Third Stage
Summary: Dean does battle with Christmas lights and Sam contemplates the meaning of their first real christmas. Slight AU, wincest, swearing.


**Disclaimer:**_The characters and concepts of Supernatural belong to their creator. I make no profit from this._

**Warnings:**_Wincest, some swearing and fluff_.

**Author's Notes:** _Because I love Christmas, and have since I was a kid, I wrote this little piece. I'm playing with the idea of turning it into a drabble series or an actual series about Christmas. So, let me know what you think of the idea. This turned out a little more angsty than I intended, but I still like it._

_I know it's not quite Christmas yet, but Merry Christmas guys! Share the love and the spirit! Thanks goes to those who have supported me and read my stories over the past year. You guys rock my world!_

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My Grown Up Christmas List

_All I Want For Christmas is you  
_

Sam poked his head around the door and had to fight hard to muffle the laughter threatening to break free. In all honesty, this Christmas thing was growing on him. They'd done the whole killing the demon and saving Dean gig. All that darkness, all that suffering, they had done more than their fair share.

So for the first time in their lives, Sam and Dean had agreed to give the festive season a chance. They'd rented their very own (temporary) little house in a pretty little town in Texas, and had set about whole heartedly getting into the spirit of things. And it had been a lot more fun than Sam had thought it would be.

Watching Dean study and dismiss at least two dozen sets of Christmas decorations, scoffing at their corniness had been a frustrating yet entertaining experience. The same thing had happened with the Christmas trees, and Sam had been on the verge of tearing out his hair by the time he'd finally decided on one, a full bodied, luscious and wonderful smelling pine tree that dominated an entire corner of their tiny living room.

But, it had been worth all the frustration and indecisiveness, he'd discovered. Worth it to see Dean get tangled up in tinsel and curse as he struggled to set up the tree. And worth it, he thought to himself, to see that light back in his eyes and that smile on his face as he mocked the outrageous decorations.

Sam walked further into the room and smirked down at a scowling Dean. He was surrounded by twinkling lights and muttering curses under his breath as he worked at untangling the wires.

"Man, if you stand there grinning like that for another minute I'm gonna kick your ass," Dean directed his glare at Sam momentarily before returning that blistering scowl to the lights.

"Need a hand?" Sam asked, unable to wipe the grin from his face as he sat down opposite his brother.

"No I don't 'need a hand' asshole. What I need you to do is explain to me why the fuck we're doing this again. I mean, Christmas is..._Christmas," _Dean wrinkled his nose in disgust but didn't raise his head as he weaved a set of lights through some more tangled wire.

Sam had long been aware of the fact that Dean held all holidays in serious contempt. He didn't get the whole concept of people giving presents to others just for the sake of it. It reeked of hidden intentions and expectations, and it had always made Sam sad to bare witness to Dean's lack of faith in humanity. But, he supposed, it did come hand in hand with the whole hunting evil business.

Sam was different. Sam had had four years of normal, during which his friends and Jess had taught him about all the things normal people did. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter. You name it, he'd experienced it in all of its glorified goodness.

Christmas, he had learned, was a good time of year and one he knew he'd thoroughly enjoy if he gave it half a chance. He knew that Dean would come around too, because despite all his gruff insults and disbelief, he knew that Dean ached for something good to hold onto. Dean had suffered in silence for years, wanting things he'd had little chance of getting, and spending Christmas with family was one of them, he knew.

So, Sam's resolution was to make Dean see the good side of Christmas, and to make sure that he had fun. God knew Dean needed more fun in his life. He needed to get involved in something, to let loose and enjoy just being for a change.

Sam was determined to make sure that he did and he didn't care what it took, he'd see it done too.

"Yes it is, "_Christmas"_ and seeing as it is, we need to get these decorations up," Sam smiled at him as he reached out and started helping to untangle the little bright fairy lights he'd talked Dean into buying for their tree.

"But why?" Dean practically whined.

"Because you love me." Sam replied simply, not looking up. "Because Christmas is time for family, and seeing as we're the only family we've got, we're going to make the most of it. We're only here for a couple of weeks until another hunt pops up somewhere, so we should make the most of the time we have off."

He could feel Dean looking at him, but didn't have the courage to meet his eyes. If he was really honest with himself, he needed the time off almost as much as Dean did. He wanted to make a memory of him and Dean at Christmas time, as he had with Jess. It would be a memory that he could tuck away with the few other good ones he had to look back on when the chips were down.

Now that everything was over, and they had been taking their average run of the mill jobs as they had before they'd gotten onto the demon's trail, things were less dangerous. But the days stretched on before the two of them, endless and unchanging. He could see the rest of his life stretched out before him, one hunt after another, hours spend on the road, in the car by Dean's side. He loved Dean, was in love with him, so there was no way he could leave.

And Dean's life was hunting. He liked it, it was something he was good at, and most days Sam could just enjoy being able to spend time with him without thinking about what could be.

He did want things though. He wanted a life where he and Dean would be safe and happy. He wanted a home for them and a place they could always return to without fear of the unknown.

He needed this Christmas, and he wasn't about to let Dean's skepticism drag him down into wondering what could be.

Christmas was a time for fun and corny decorations and lots and lots of food. It was a time for laughter and sharing and wonder and surprise and excitement and Sam couldn't wait to experience it all in a house that was, temporarily, theirs.

"I love you too Sammy," Dean said quietly.

Sam looked up, surprised out of his thoughts, and was met with the sight of a smiling Dean. The sorrow he felt faded when he saw the warmth in his eyes, the small wrinkles at the corners of his green eyes and his face light up by the multicolored lights stretched out between and around them.

He smiled back, and met Dean halfway when he leaned in for a kiss. And then it was warm breath and the soft press of lips in a chaste kiss and everything that Sam loved and treasured in life.

Dean drew back after a few moments, leaving Sam flushed and wanting so much more, but his older brother just smiled at him once more before going back to untangling the lights. Sam sat there for a moment watching him.

The love he held in his heart for Dean was immeasurable and worth more than any gold or money on the planet. He often wondered how it was possible to love someone so much without exploding from the pressure of it, but when he looked at Dean sitting there, a small crease between his eyebrows as he concentrated, and dressed in an old ACDC shirt and tattered and torn jeans, it didn't seem so impossible. Dean was easy to love and he couldn't remember a time when he hadn't.

Which was why he was going to make this Christmas extra special for him this year. Because Dean deserved all the presents in the world and to be shown just how much he was loved. Which presented to him another thing to think about; Christmas presents.

"Hey Gi-gantor. You wanna lend a hand here or are you just going to sit there staring at me? I know I'm stunning but really…"

Sam leaned forward and swatted him over the head and ducked Dean's half hearted retaliation before getting back to work on the lights.

Sitting there with an old radio playing tinny songs in the back ground, surrounded by gaudy decorations scattered on the floor as they talked about nothing and everything, Sam realized that he wouldn't change a thing.

Christmas had become his favorite time of the year, and if they died tomorrow or the next week, he would die a happy man, with the memory of a smiling Dean and gleaming lights in his mind.

TBC?


End file.
